Oldy But Goody Stupid Security Awards

Most Egregiously Stupid Award Winner - The Australian Government for a litany of pointless, irritating and self-serving security measures Runner-Up - Moscow Mayor Yury Luzhkov for the "Propiska" Identity Papers Most Inexplicably Stupid Award Winner - Philadelphia International Airport for over-reaction to a bottle of cologne Runner-Up - Heathrow Airport for quarantining a quantity of green tea Most Annoyingly Stupid Award Winner - T-Mobile (UK) for pointless and idiotic financial security measures Runner-Up - Bay Area Rapid Transport (Bart) for closing its restrooms. Most Flagrantly Intrusive Award Winner - Delta Terminal at JFK Airport for forcing a nursing mother to drink her own breast milk Runner-Up - Carson City Correctional Facility, Michigan for forcing women visitors to wear bras. Most Stupidly Counter Productive Award Winner - San Francisco General Hospital for blind idiocy in its identity checking procedures Runner-Up San Francisco International Airport for endangering the public Dishonourable Mention The New Yorker Hotel, New York for aggressive, unnecessary and meaningless security measures. ------ MOST EGREGIOUSLY STUPID AWARDWINNER - THE AUSTRALIAN GOVERNMENT I'd like to nominate the Goverment of Australia for the Privacy International Stupid Security award. In late 2001, the Australian Government began a domestic publicity campaign intended to educate citizens about risks to national security introduced by terrorism. The campaign included the introduction of a toll-free number which Australians can call to report instances of "suspicious" activity to a call centre in Australia's capital. No suggestions have been provided to help Australians determine what, exactly, constitutes "suspicious activity". As a result, the campaign has been confusing to the Australian population, who have steadfastly refused to take it seriously. There has also been a booklet produced to tell people how to protect themselves from chemical and biological attacks (including such gems as using gaffa-tape to seal up their windows and doors!). Why so many millions of dollars are being spent on distributing this stuff is anyone's guess, because there has -never- been -any- suggestion at any point in Australia's past that we'd ever be the target of a chemical or biological attack. The content of the publicity campaign has been simply bizarre in that context; the only rational explanation anyone can come up with is the slightly (but only *just* slightly) humourous view that the Americans have become paranoid about terrorism, and Australia naturally follows whatever the Americans do so we need to become paranoid about terrorism too. See http://nationalsecurity.ag.gov.au/www/nationalsecurityHome.nsf/HeadingPagesDisplay/National+Security+Public+Information+Campaign?OpenDocument for more information, including PDFs of the pamphlets which have been distributed, copies of TV, radio and newsprint commercials, and other simply hilarious crap like that. RUNNER-UPMOSCOW MAYOR YURY LUZHKOV FOR THE "PROPISKA" IDENTITY PAPERS http://www.nelegal.net/articles/index.html Let us introduce you the heavyweight challenger from Russia to win “Stupid security” competition. Its name is Moscow propiska, a special permission to be in Moscow for foreigners and even citizens of Russia. Propiska is a kind a modern slavery, has a long history, and big money and politics are involved. Now Moscow authorities call it registration but it is pretty the same thing. Propiska was invented in 1932 by Stalin and getting even worst nowadays. Propiska seriously violates freedom of movement and other basic human rights. Russian authorities playing democrats signed all papers to meet the requirements of the international law and promise to abolish propiska many years ago but have not done this yet. Moscow mayor Mr. Luzhkov explains existence of Moscow propiska as a main security measure against terrorism and crime in Moscow and says that propiska exists in all progressive Western countries. Is he telling the truth? The Chief of FSB (former KGB) named propiska checking as a primary measure to prevent crime and new terrorist acts in Moscow. If you have visited Moscow last years you could see militia checking Moscow registration almost at every corner, street, and metro station. Usually foreigners feel very secure looking at this. We have to disappoint you, it is a wrong feeling. Moscow greedy and corrupted militiamen in their majority are real criminals. You will understand it when they stop you and demand a bribe. We have evidences that militia robes foreigners even in the center of Moscow on the Red square and around the Kremlin. Usual price is $1-3 for Russians and $10 and more for others. If you are carrying a gun or a bomb or have non-Slavic face - prepare a little more money. The real registration might not help you. If militia needs money urgently, for example, to buy some vodka, they can tear up your papers and just take away all your money. Government pays militia ridiculously small salaries, around $100 a month. High ranked Moscow authorities and militia generals are often asked: “Why don’t you stop corruption and bribery in militia?” Usually they answer: “Be real and generous! Is it possible to survive in Moscow with $100 a month?” Here is one anecdote: Militia recruit is asking: “How much are you going to pay me?” “Don't ask us such stupid questions anymore. You will get a uniform and a gun. Please, help yourself.” Real income of an average militiaman is more than $1000 a month and trying to reach this amount of money keeps him busy entire day. Even when he is waking from or to a job or on vacation militiaman stops people and checks their Moscow registration hoping to catch a, so called, nelegal (illegal resident of Moscow). Some statistics: There are 26,812 policemen in London, 36,673 - in Tokyo, 40,000 - in New York, In Moscow - more than 150,000. In 2002 Moscow militia officially registered 163,418 crimes, other words - one crime per one militiaman in a year. At the same time Moscow authorities say that militia is filled only on 70% and demand more human resources. It is extremely hard to get an official registration in Moscow. You need to fill out a lot of applications, collect many signatures and permissions. According to different sources you are responsible to get a registration in 3 or 10 days after arriving to Moscow. This is even theoretically impossible because registration department (pasportnyi stol) works only 2-3 hours a week and you have to wait hours and hours in a huge line. In addition, any official may refuse you without any explanation. It is much easier to buy a fake or even real registration or pay few dollars every time when militia stops you. There are hundreds underground offices in Moscow where you can buy necessary papers. Yes, you are right; registration department workers also get small salaries. The value of the market of fake registrations in Moscow is estimated in 30-60 million dollars. How about real terrorists and criminals? Don’t worry about them, they already bought a real Moscow propiska and do not afraid any encounters with militia. It is not a secret that Nord-Ost terrorists had valid Moscow propiska. We have not heard yet about any real terrorist or criminal who was arrested after checking Moscow propiska. This is an absolutely useless and stupid security measure. The first thing Bin Laden is going to do if he could ever visit Moscow is to pay $100 to corrupted officials and get propiska. Because of Moscow propiska millions of innocent people are suffering. There are about 3 million nelegals by official reports in Moscow. The majority of them are citizens of Russia. Every day more than one million people are arriving in Moscow from suburbs and other towns. All of them are subject for violations of human dignity and humiliations by militia. Last few years 30-40 min. before departure of a train or plane militia has been closing entrances and checking everybody’s propiska. Citizens prefer to pay them some money other than to be late to boarding. People without Moscow propiska are treated as low-grade and can be insulted and robbed without any consequences. Specially if you have non-Russian face or skin color your life is going to turn into hell. There is no any Russian left who personally or his or her close relatives or friends have not been robbed by Moscow militia. In 1999 Luzkov deported hundreds of innocent men without propiska from Moscow and scares to do this again and again.. Recently Moscow authorities ordered militia to visit every apartment in Moscow to check Moscow propiska of tenants. If you do not open them they may just knock out the door. Luzkov asked Muscovites to inform local militia every time when they see an unknown person in the apartment building. It is very difficult to get a job in Moscow without propiska and you will receive only about a half of a regular for Muscovite salary. Without propiska you can not get full public medical aid, your children can not attend Moscow public schools and kindergartens. If you have enough money you can buy an apartment in Moscow but without propiska you don't have the right to live in it. All of the above-mentioned refers to Russia own citizens. For foreigners the situation got much worst particularly after signing the new citizenship law in 2002. Because of the situation in the capital of Russia the number of foreign tourists visiting Moscow for last 12 years has been dropped from 5-6 million a year to 200-300 thousand a year and only desperate Russian women without Moscow propiska hoping to merry a foreigner keep up some tourists' traffic. Thousands of talented high educated engineers and scientists had to leave country because, of Russia specific, almost all facilities where they can work are located in Moscow. Athletes, artists, dancers are not an exception. On our web site nelegal.ru we collected thousands articles and evidences of stupid security facts in connection with Moscow propiska (registration). No doubts, our Moscow authorities and particularly mayor Luzhkov with his anti-terror initiative are the dumbest authorities in the whole world! Terrorizing millions of innocent people trying to catch few real terrorists is a real stupid security measure. Organization of Moscow Illegals/Human Rights in Moscow E-mail: info@nelegal.net http://www.nelegal.ru%0d%0d/ MOST INEXPLICABLY STUPID AWARDWINNER - PHILADELPHIA INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT News article http://reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml;jsessionid=MRJEL2LCC3Q4CCRBAEOCFEY?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=2259081 Cologne at Airport Brings Rash of Quarantines February 20, 2003 07:56 AM ET PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - An innocent spray of cologne from a Saudi Arabian college student caused authorities in Philadelphia to quarantine a hospital emergency room, a doughnut shop and a drug store on Wednesday, officials said. The incident began at Philadelphia International Airport around 12:45 a.m. EST, when the 22-year-old man arrived at a security checkpoint while trying to make a flight to Saudi Arabia after a day of travel problems spawned by a major snowstorm. The student's visa was fine, the FBI said later. But airport security asked him about a container of liquid in his luggage. While trying to show that the container was a bottle of cologne, the man inadvertently sprayed its aromatic contents on two airport security guards, officials said. "First he sprayed himself," said FBI special agent Linda Vizi. "It was merely to demonstrate that he had cologne." But the action prompted airport security to issue a code-red hazardous materials alert, which brought FBI agents, city police officers and hazardous materials specialists from the Philadelphia Fire Department rushing to the site. Fearing the cologne could be a harmful biological or chemical agent, authorities sent the two guards to a nearby hospital, which quarantined its emergency room for three hours until what hospital officials referred to as "the unknown substance" could be identified as cologne. Two city police officers, who also came into contact with the cologne while examining its container, later went off to a doughnut shop and a 24-hour Rite Aid pharmacy in Philadelphia, officials said. When authorities found out, they ordered both stores shut for 45 minutes until the analysis was complete. The Saudi student, whom authorities did not identify, was questioned by the FBI and released without charges. "We were able to verify his status, and the fire department was able to verify that what he had was cologne," Vizi said. RUNNER-UPHEATHROW AIRPORT Gunpowder Tea Last September 2002, I was flying through Heathrow Airport. Just ahead of me in the queue at the hand luggage X-Ray checkpoint was an elderly gentleman of Mediterranean appearance whose bag contained some items of interest to the security staff. Firstly they found about a dozen disposable butane gas cigarette lighters, which they confiscated on the grounds that these were not allowed as either hand or hold luggage. Why are these lighters sold at airports? Then they found about 4 small screwdrivers of the sort used to fit plugs to electrical devices, still in their cardboard and plastic blister packs. These were allowed, provided that the gentleman went downstairs and checked his bag in as hold luggage. Are these small screwdrivers more of a risk than the cutlery and glassware and glass bottles available on any flight? The third item was a dual quarter pound cellophane wrapped cardboard package of loose leaf Chinese tea. Unfortunately, it was of a well known variety known as Gunpowder Tea, and had this printed on the packaging. http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=Gunpowder+Tea Obviously this was of such importance, that, despite already forcing the passenger to check his hand bag as hold luggage, it was decided that the tea was allowed, but that the evil word "Gunpowder" was not. Consequently the security staff then rummaged around (thereby delaying me and the rest of the queue) and found a plastic bag into which they decanted the fragrant tea leaves, and confiscated the cardboard packaging ! MOST ANNOYINGLY STUPID AWARDWinner - T-Mobile (UK) I think the stupidest security measure I have come across recently has to be T-Mobile with its attitude to paying for top-ups by credit card. After recieving a mobile as a present I topped it up by credit card. I attempted to do the same a week later and was informed that users could only use the credit card top-up method once till their identity had been verified. I pointed out that the phone was registered to me as was the credit card, but they had a better idea. I had to send two credit card bills along with the details of my phone (number, service provider etc) to T-Mobile. It occured to me that if this package disappeared from the post it would be an ideal launching point for identity theft. It seems strange that anyone would want to covertly top up my phone, but who knows........ Runner-UpBay Area Rapid Transport (Bart) I think one of my favorite "stupid security" measures instistated since 9/11 has been the closure of all Bay Area Rapid Transport (BART) restrooms. This closure, I suppose, was meant to limit a terrorist's ablity to place a deadly toilet-bomb potentially littering the station with feces. What behooves me is why any terrorist would choose the BART restrooms to house his infrastructure disabling bomb when in fact a bomb could be easily carried on to the train itself and detonated somewhere within the actual tunnel. There is no security over what can be carried onto the trains as many people take large luggage as well as bikes. Police often stand by as a "show of force" against the potentail carry-on bomb but do nothing to search anyone, even on a random spot check level. Since these restroom have been closed I have however noticed another form of rabid "bio terrorism" being waged on the trains, public urination. Now, closing the restrooms may be a simple sollution for some, but for those who find themselves having to urinate while within the BART system (some train journeys can take over 1 hour) now must do so on the steps, platform, or my personal favorite, the train cars themselves. How has BART responded to this act? Well, they have procured a special URINE cone which on a daily basis warns riders at the Oakland 12th Street of the dangers of urine. The risks of a terrorist act on a public transportation system are great closing public restroom is simply a ploy to use this fear to reduce costs for an underfunded agency. UMMMMMM the sweet smell of urine is sure to boost ridership. MOST COUNTER-PRODUCTIVESAN FRANCISCO GENERAL HOSPITAL Hi, I hear you're looking for examples of pointless and intrusive 'security'. Post 9/11 San Francisco General Hospital, the primary (and for many homeless or poor San Franciscans the only) emergency and critical care facility in San Francisco instituted a new security regime. Basic behavior included putting armed security guards on the front doors of the hospital, who (for several months) would not let anyone without photo ID enter the building. San Francisco has a large homeless population (>15,000), most of who either a) do not have photo ID; or b) are wanted for probation or parole violations; or c) are in fear of arrest for some other reason. End result - hundreds of homeless people in search of urgent medical care turned away either directly by security guards or indirectly when they chose not to 'run the gauntlet' out of fear of possible arrest. Cost of healthcare to the city goes up as people later need ambulance and emergency room care for conditions that could have been dealt with earlier, more humanely and more cheaply. It is also possible, but unproven, that specific individuals died. Now for the funny bit. While the security goons were harassing those seeking medical care at the main entrance in the name of 'terrorism prevention', all side entrances were left completely unguarded. Hospital staff, rather than having to constantly fish for ID started using the side entrances in increasing numbers, as did those seeking medical care. So instead of people fronting the triage desk to be most appropriately directed to whatever service they need, the corridors of minor side departments started to fill with people stumbling around lost, looking for *anyone* who might be able to help. The 'must have photo ID' phase only lasted a couple of months, however the armed guards remain at the front entrance to this day, continuing to deter those in need of medical care from getting it. And side entrances reamin open to any who care to wander in. RUNNER-UPSAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT Shortly after Richard Reid's attempt to light his shoes, I boarded a flight from San Francisco to London on British Airways. Travelling alone, I was singled out by the computer for further inspection. The polite inspector informed me that he had to check my shoes for explosives. I dutifully removed them and handed them to him. He picked them up one by one and slammed them down on the floor with full force. Apparently, as they hadn't exploded, they were not dangerous, and he handed them back to me to put back on. Let this be a warning to future terrorists. Your explosive shoes may go off in the crowded departure lounge instead of on board the plane. MOST FLAGRANTLY INTRUSIVE AWARDDELTA TERMINAL AT JFK AIRPORT News article Airport Screeners Order Mom to Drink Breast Milk http://www.newsmax.com/showinsidecover.shtml?a=2002/8/6/92628%0D%0D By Carl Limbacher Tuesday, Aug. 6, 2002 10:27 a.m. EDT In the latest in a series of airport security nightmares, a woman flying from New York to Florida was forced to drink three bottles of her own breast milk before being allowed to board a flight at JFK International Airport - in an incident that has one prominent New York civil rights attorney ready to sue. Elizabeth McGarry of Oceanside, N.Y., called WABC Radio's Curtis Sliwa and Ron Kuby Tuesday morning to relate the story. Guards at JFK's Delta terminal first "patted me down and made me take my shoes off," McGanny told the morning radio duo. "One security guard took my 4-month-old out of my arms and then they went through the baby's diaper bag." There the guards discovered the three suspect bottles, McGanny said, and promptly ordered her to drink the contents. "I'm not drinking that. It's breast milk," she replied. "They said, 'Either drink all three bottles or you're not getting on the plane.'" McGanny said that when she asked the guards why they were putting her through the ordeal, they explained, "There could be explosives in the baby bottles and I could throw something at the stewardesses." " I asked them if I could just taste it; if I could just show them how you would check a baby's bottle - that it was warm milk and everything. And they said, 'No,'" ordering her to "drink it all." The nursing mom then offered to feed the milk to her baby as the guards looked on, but they refused. After hearing the tale, Kuby, who doubles as one of New York's most-celebrated civil rights attorneys, suggested that McGanny call his office. " How much money do you smell here?" Sliwa asked his radio partner. " If I get a jury of nursing mothers - a lot," Kuby replied. RUNNER-UPCARSON CITY CORECTIONAL FACILITY, MICHIGAN The following letter was faxed to my physician in a futile attempt to get around prison dress codes in Michigan Correctional facilities. How a bra fits into state security I am at a total loss to explain. Men are not required to wear athletic supporters, why should a woman be required to wear a bra? A tight fitting sweater that reveals every curve is permitted as long as the correct under garment is present. A loose fitting very concealing sweater or sweatshirt is not allowed if one doesn't have a bra under it. Explain this one. It is one of the more stupid "security" requirements that is as intrusive as it gets. DR. BRADFORD WOELKE From: Ishgooda Subject: ATTENTION DOCTOR WOELKE This is Linda L. This is probably going to be one of the more bizarre requests you will receive. My apologies in advance. This requirement appears equally outlandish to me. If you check back through my records you will read on occasion I have had difficulty with upper back/shoulder muscle spasms and you treated me with trigger point injections of a cortisone compound. I have learned since that by not putting pressure on this area, I don't end up with spasms. Seems simple, except the way pressure was eliminated was by eliminating the wearing of a bra and substituting a tank top instead. No pressure on my shoulders or rib cage and I am a happy camper. Until Saturday. My mother and I went to visit my son in a new prison facility in Carson City. I was denied visitation because I was wearing a tank top under my clothing rather than the pre-requisite bra. I am told women must wear bras for security reasons. Not sure whom this is supposed to protect. I sat outdoors for 45 minutes unable to visit as a result. I was informed by the shift commander that I require a doctor's slip stating there is a medical reason for not wearing one which can then be added to my visitor information. Mind you, I have been visiting since 1995 sans this garment without problem in other facilities in Michigan. It appears the problem is one of arbitrary and capricious enforcement of visitor dress code as they failed even to follow their printed protocol by issuing a smock for a first time visitor to the facility (he was moved there one week ago) and denied the visit. Sports bras are not an option as some shifts and commanders won't permit these either. It is a 6 hour plus round trip drive between my current location in Riverview and Carson City (NW of Lansing). Needless to say it was upsetting. If possible..could you send a medical slip stating their is a medical reason for not wearing one to me... Dishonourable Mention - The New Yorker Hotel, New York. This hotel was overwhelmingly nominated by the participants of the 13th Computers, Freedom & Privacy conference after a series of absurd security measures. These included demanding and photocopying photo ID's, refusing a guest the loan of a pair of scissors "because of security", and threatening another guest with a visit from the anti-terrorism squad of NY police if he continued to refuse to provide photo ID. Related: Overview - The Stupid Security Awards Stupid Security Awards Home Page Stupid Security Contest 2003 Winners Announced The Stupid Security Competition 2003