Wednesday, October 15, 2008

HER MAJESTY THE QUEEN RESCUES US FROM OBAMA BY DECREE

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: ----------------------- 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). ------------------------ 2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ------------------- 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. ----------------- 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,then you're not ready to shoot grouse. ---------------------- 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. ---------------------- 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. (Notice that multiple roundabouts have been installed, already, in Bird Rock, of La Jolla, Ca. ,San Diego:) -------------------- 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it. How about Imperial Gallons? ------------------- 8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. ------------------- 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. --------------------- 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. --------------------- 11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). --------------------- 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. (And based on our schoolgirl game of "rounders", which existed long before baseball). Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries. -------------------- 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. ----------------- 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). --------------- 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. --------SARAH PALIN WILL BE THE NEW PRIMINISTER----------
God Save the Queen!

1 comment:

گایا - حزب سبز لبه تاریکی ایران said...

جوانان ایران به جهانیان فریاد می زنند که:
اسلام یک دین اهریمنی است.
ما فهمیده ایم که محمد رسول الله یک دین اهریمنی و یک فرهنگ اهریمنی خلق کرده و مادر و دخترانش فاحشه بوده.
اکنون محمد رسول الله در جهنم است.
انگلیسی:
Iranian young people shout to all world peoples: Islam is a Satanic religion.We understand, "Mohammed messenger of Allah" has created a satanic religion and he has created a savagery culture .his mother was prostitute, and his girl was prostitute. Now "Mohammed messenger of Allah" is in the Hell.
عربی:
صيحه الشباب الإيراني إلى جميع شعوب العالم : الاسلام هو الدين شيطانيه. ونحن نفهم ، "محمد رسول الله" قد اوجد شيطانيه الدين وقال انه قد أوجد ثقافة وحشية. والدته كانت عاهره ، وكان له فتاة عاهره. الان "محمد رسول الله" هو في الجحيم.
بلغاری:
Ирански младежи Да за всички народи светът: Ислямът е религия сатанински. Ние разбираме, "Мохамед месинджър на Аллах" е създала в сатанински религия, а той е създал savagery култура. майка му е била проститутка, а момичето си е проститутка. Сега "Мохамед месинджър на Аллах" е в ада.
Translation: English » Chinese
伊朗的年轻人喊向所有世界人民:伊斯兰是一个撒旦的宗教。 据我们了解, “穆罕默德真主使者”创造了撒旦的宗教和他创造了一个野蛮的文化。 他的母亲是妓女,和他的女童被妓女。 现在“穆罕默德真主使者”是在地狱。
Translation: English » Chinese (Traditional)
伊朗的年輕人喊向所有世界人民:伊斯蘭是一個撒旦的宗教。 據我們了解, “穆罕默德真主使者”創造了撒旦的宗教和他創造了一個野蠻的文化。 他的母親是妓女,和他的女童被妓女。 現在“穆罕默德真主使者”是在地獄。
Translation: English » Croatian
Iranska mladih ljudi vikati na svim narodima svijeta: Islam je religija Satanic. Razumijemo, "Mohammed glasnik Allah" je stvorio satanic religije i on je stvorio savagery kulture. njegova majka bila prostitutka, i njegova djevojka je bila prostitutka. Sada "Mohammed glasnik Allah" je u Hell.

Translation: English » Czech

Íránský mladé lidi křičet, aby všechny národy světa: Islám je Satanské náboženství. Chápeme, "Mohammed posel Allah" vytvořila ďábelský náboženství a on vytvořil divokost kultury. Jeho matka byla prostitutka, a jeho dívka byla prostitutka. Nyní "Mohammed posel Alláh" je v pekle.

Translation: English » Danish

Iranske unge råbe til alle verdens folkeslag: Islam er en Sataniske religion. Vi kan forstå, "Mohammed budbringer af Allah" har lavet en sataniske religion, og han har skabt en grusomhed kultur. hans mor var prostitueret, og hans pige var prostitueret. Now "Mohammed budbringer af Allah" er i Helvede.

Translation: English » Dutch

Iraanse jongeren schreeuwen om alle volkeren ter wereld: de islam is een religie Satanic. We begrijpen, "Mohammed boodschapper van Allah" heeft een satanische religie en hij heeft een barbarij cultuur. zijn moeder was prostituee, en zijn meisje was prostituee. Nu "Mohammed boodschapper van Allah" is in de hel

this is posted from Iran

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